Without you, my love
by lv2readmanga
Summary: Lets all face it. Theres rarely any MulletXRoy! heres a good story, so read! Im not the best at summarys! Read and review!
1. The beginning

Chapter 1:

It was a perfect, normal day as Roy walked home from school. He looked up at the colorful, blue sky, reviewing the days events. It was his senior year in high school. _Just this one last year, and im free!_ He thought to himself. He couldn't be happier. He had a perfect 4.0, and a best friend, Mullet. Roy had been thinking a lot about him lately. _What will he do with his education? Where's he headed? Is he going to run his whole life?_ Roy passed off these thoughts, not wanting to worry so much with Mullet, he's already tried to get him a education, and that just ended up with a flat out _no._ ending the conversation right there.

As Roy was pondering the conversation, he was suddenly pulled into the trees.

"What the…" Roy started to say, but a familiar voice cut him off.

"Shh," Mullet hissed, covering Roy's mouth. Roy instantly stiffened, then relaxed into the touch. He had also been having some confusing feelings for Mullet lately, and didn't know what to think of them. He had already had too much on his mind, with all his work, his applications, his job, he had a hard time balancing it all, and had a hard time spending time with Mullet, and hanging out. Along with Mullet still in hiding, it was nearly impossible.

Mullet freed Roys mouth, and turned Roy to face him.

"Mullet!" Roy whispered loudly, "what are you doing?" just as Roy finished his sentence, he looked into Mullet's eyes, and was taken aback. He had rarely seen this look on Mullet before, only a couple of times. When Mullet was concerned about saving the owls, making sure Beatrice was ok, and when he was under stress. Roy saw fear, and sadness. Roy instantly was worried, _this is wrong_. He thought to himself. _What would be making Mullet show emotions like this??_

"What's going on?" Roy asked seriously, in a worried tone, looking at Mullet with the same worried eyes, "is everything all right? Are you ok?" He was starting to ramble. He took a step towards Mullet. Mullet reacts, looking down at his feet, his golden hair falling delicately in front of his face. Roy wanted deeply to just push the hair behind his ears, and just hold him, without trying to imply pity. He didn't want Mullet to look so sad. There was no further response from Mullet, as Roy stood there, baffled by his silence. _Something's wrong_.

"Tell me Mullet, your worrying me." Roy said truthfully. He really was on a high wire right now. He wanted to think that everything was going to be ok, but he just couldn't convince himself to do anything, yet stand there, in silence. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Mullet lifted his head slowly, Roy seeing his body shaking, obviously holding back choking sobs, anger, and dis-belief.

"Im sorry." Mullet had finally said, his voice cracking, his eyes showing pain, and of he looked closely, Roy could have sworn he saw a glint of guilt, and Mullets debating whether he should explain himself, or not. Roy was confused, and scared. _What is Mullet saying?? He thought, just as he started to close the distance between them, stepping forward, Mullet spoke just once more._

"_I… have to leave, Roy." Mullet said in a barely audible whisper, but Roy heard it with no problem, "forever."_


	2. The end?

Chapter 2

Disbelief

"_I… have to leave, Roy." Mullet said in a barely audible whisper, but Roy heard it with no problem, "forever."_

Roy just stood there, and stared. Stared anywhere but Mullet. He couldn't believe him. He was in shock. In disbelief. He was dumbfounded. Then it hit him, hard. His eyes widened, every realization hitting him like a slap in the face. He took a step back.

"No… why?" Roy almost screamed, his body going into an uncontrolled shake. He didn't understand. He just couldn't. This wasn't something Mullet would just say out of the blue, it was serious. Unexpected. Roy wasn't comprehending. His blood pumped through his veins, multiple things running through his mind, but only one thing stuck out. He's leaving me. Roy finally understood the term, you don't know what you have till its gone. But right now, Roy wasn't concerned about that. He just didn't know what to make of the situation happening in front of him right now.

" They know im here, Roy…" Mullet said, quieter, sadder, trying so hard to show little to no emotion, hoping for a clean break. " I have no choice.." Mullet looked down again, feeling the multiple confusions and feelings rushing out of Roy's body. He cant take it. He cant understand. Mullet held back his own feelings, keeping a motionless stance, clearing his mind, thinking nothing, he could barely stand the pain radiating from Roy.

"No…. this cant be happening.." Roy stammered out, stressed, " you have to stay!" Roy begged, choked. He was having a hard time pressing out those burning words he thought hed never say, especially to Mullet. He was a mess. What's going on? Why is this happening? Why? The ultimate question, Roy couldn't even come to terms with. He started blurting things out, uncontrollably. "Why are you leaving me?"

Mullet shot his head up like he had just heard something deadly. He was tooken aback, like hed been slapped. He was shocked at the question. What was he asking him? For once in Mullets life, he had no answer. He felt like he was using an excuse, trading his freedom for his best friend. What would he do?

"Someone saw me.." Mullet started, " someone who knew me, somehow… and they reported me, and there coming for me, they know where I am, Roy. If I get tooken away, I may never be able to be free again." Mullets voice cracked again.

Roy was then faced with compassion. For once in this emotional conversation, event, he could actually put himself in his shoes. He could understand. He was acting selfish. It hurt him so much, oh so much, to hear this. He almost acted selfish once more. But he was a better person than that. He had lived a lot of years with his best friend, but why, why now did he crack like this? All of these feelings out of nowhere. Was it really because he had never considered something like this? He felt he had taken advantage of the friendship they had, and it finally came, to hit him, hard. The realization, that he may never be able to see him again. So why did it hurt him so much? Roy felt sick, and his chest hurt, badly. All these things rushing to him like his life, flying by. Like a soap opera. He didn't think anything would happen to him. He was foolish. And it was already too late. Mullet snapped him back to reality.

" I… have to go now.." Mullet said, taking a deep breath, trying to look alright, even tho inside he was falling. He looked into Roy's eyes, trying to make a mask of calmness, and control. But he had bottom.

Before either boy could respond, Mullet had done something out of his falling apart. He pulled Roy to him, holding him, in a tight embrace. Roy was shocked, but suddenly everything felt right, perfect. Like this was where he belonged. And he was so confused about it all. Mullet rested his blond head on top of roys, holding him to his chest. He couldn't control it anymore. It was going to be so painful, he might as well make the whole in his heart big while he can. Roy grabbed Mullets shirt, holding his head peacefully against Mullets chest. that's when Mullet spoke.

"You're the best friend I will ever have, no matter how many years I walk the earth, no matter how many people I meet." Mullet said quietly, trying to put as much emotion into it as he could, " I will never forget you." His shirt suddenly felt wet, and he looked down, seeing Roy shaking, into his chest was so painful. It was heart breaking. He thought hed never have to do this. Ever. Yet he could hold himself composed.

Roy felt a tear run down his cheek. What is all this? he wondered. Yet, he could respond with the only words he had. " I'll never forget you, either, Mullet." Roy tried to hold on, tight, closing his eyes. He knew it was bound to happen. He knew he'd someday have someone leave him, and he wasn't prepared. He'd never be.

And with that, Mullet was gone. Roy felt the arms loosen around him, but didn't acknowledge it. He felt The warmth leave, but he didn't acknowledge it. He didn't dare move, didn't dare believe. He felt his knees give out, and he was emotionless. Forever. That word was going to haunt him, like a ghost. An unhealed bullet. A broken soul. Then, Roy couldn't hold on anymore. He slipped, falling. Then, he fell to the ground, broken, curling his hands into the soil, in tears. _Why?_


	3. Authors note, please read!

Just a reminder

I have already written some of the story, but I am in the process of making it more, should I say, descriptive, for your benefit!

Each chapter is to the best of my ability, for your benefit!

So I cant put a solid date, every time that I'll update

I have my studies and such, just like everyone else, so be patient

And thanks soo much for reading my story!


	4. 5 years later

Chapter 3

5 years

_5 years later_

_Roy's 23.._

_Another rainy day…_ Roy thought to himself, staring out his dorm window, coffee in lap. A chill ran down his spine. _Another rainy august day… another cold, and rainy, august day. How much more vague can that get?_ He stared out the glossy window, his face close to the glass, leaving breath marks, fogging the window. He moved back a bit, staring at the tiny droplets delicately sliding down the glass. He stared out at the greenish brown lawn sprawled out on the brown earth. _It seems unreal._ He stares at the green trees, blossoming crab-apples. He missed the beautiful pink flowers that covered the growing trees. He missed spring. He missed spring, where everything was at its peak. Everything was a deep lush green. He remembered 3 years earlier, moving into the dorms. Everything was full, green, every color. After the years, everything seemed to dull, loose its color, fade. It all seemed grey. Especially on these kinds of days, which were becoming more and more often, the coldness bringing the thought of fall into his veins. And he remembered before those years… He stopped his train of thought there, he wouldn't think of that again.

"ROY!" Roy's dorm mate yelled, snapping his fingers, snapping Roy out of his beautiful fragile trance.

"WHAT ALEC?!" Roy surprisingly turned, yelling at him, surprising himself. _Oops._ He thought. He'd been doing that a lot lately… his anger fuse was a darn short one. Maybe it was just because he rarely got a moment to himself before Alec was riding his behind about getting everything done, at that moment. Or maybe it was just Roy.

Alec's eyes widened, and his eyebrows creased. "Damn. I was just going to tell you…" he started, quietly, changing his facial expression to wide, raising his voice to which Roy's just was, " FINISH YOUR PAPER." Alec couldn't help but smile and turn. "Got that?"

Roy was embarrassed, he got up and went to his computer, sitting on the chair, turning quickly, slumping his head. He flushed. _Why did I do that?_

"Ohh." Alec said suddenly, grinning widely, causing Roy to turn towards him in curiosity, furrowing his brow.

"What." Roy said, suspicious. _What's he thinking?_

"Ohh… nothing." Alec finished, turning to his work, sighing. Obviously trying to get Roy interested in what he WAS going to say.. But Roy wouldn't let himself get fooled..

"Oh, ok!" Roy said, turning back to his work, turning on the computer. Behind him, Roy heard Alec shuffle his feet. _He's always doing that…_ he thought to himself. _This is going to work._ Alec coughed. Roy turned, raising his eyebrows at Alec. Alec bit his lip, trying to keep his comment in. Too bad it didn't work. _He usually says to much, then keeps quite, because he thinks it will hurt me, or just make me blow up…. Hes.. Right. I lose my temper a lot lately.._ As Roy was pondering his thoughts, rambling on, he heard Alec coughed again. _I must be spacing out.. Oh._ He was.

"You were thinking about _him._" Alec said, emphasizing him. Roy froze, turning back to Alec, giving him a deadly look, and then his face softened, his mouth quivering slightly, and he was speechless. Speechless because for the first time, Alec was dead on. Of course he was thinking about…. _him._ He'd been thinking about _him _for _5 years._ Then Roy let himself go. Mullet, Mullet, _Mullet._ He then felt a huge pain in his heart, like it had been ripped from the inside out, a bullet to the chest. Then he let himself think, just drop. Ever since Mullet left, Roy's life had just disappeared. He felt his life had no meaning. At all. Even though he was informed Mullet was gone, his heart refused to believe.

Roy would still to this day, pass by the molly bell, and wait for him. Even if it wasn't for long, he'd never come. Roy would wait in the rain, and finally just leave, and then mindlessly drive home, quietly. When he'd reach his apartment, he'd regain reality, and pour out his feelings, choosing the drugs to fade him. For a time he had also encountered personal pain infliction. He stopped calling people, talking to anyone, and had worked so often, and then moved out, and secluded himself. He was lost. He slept most of the day, he was depressed. He refused to believe any of it. He would mope, and become easily enraged. He had refused help, until his parents forced him. The shrink didn't help much, and Roy was getting sick of it. So he did what he had to, he covered it all up, getting used to acting like he was ok, and he convinced his parents. They hadn't even known what had happened to there son, so he'd thought it the better to just act, to convince his parents. Even though he'd still hurt to this day.

Roy finally then snapped out of his memory, clutching his chest. No.. He didn't want to think of what he'd really been through, he had barely just convinced himself to get off his feet and try for an education. It was through the 5 years of pain and loneliness, that he had finally realized his feelings for Mullet, and it killed him. He was in love with him.

"You don't know _anything._" Roy said, putting as much venom as he could into the words. Alec flinched. _He'd never understand.._

_No one had ever known of his feelings, of course. He had never told Alec anything about the pain, but had tried to talk about Mullet in the best possible ways, even up to his leaving, he tried to make it sound fine. He had never spoken once to Alec about the abuse and pain. Roy had closed up like steel. He had totally changed. And he knew it. He just regretted it, and wished he could have stopped the pain before it had overcome him. Roy stared at his computer screen, wordless, emotionless. He was having an out of body experience. Alec had to of course snap him out of it once more._

"_Roy…" He said quietly, sounding hurt._

"_I'm sorry, Alec." Roy said, closing his eyes, "Its my fault. I'm ok, and your right." Roy tried his best to turn and show him a very weak smile. Alec was about to reach forward to comfort his friend, but took his hand back. Alec turned back to his own work._

"_Maybe.. A walk, some fresh air, are you sure your going to be ok?" He asked, not looking at Roy, just typing away._

"_Yea… a walk… to cool off, and think." Roy said, sighing, sniffling. "Thanks, Alec. Again, sorry I snapped at you like that…"_

"_It was my fault, too. You know that, I just want you to take a walk, we can talk later, or anytime, alright?" Alec said, trying to look cheerful. "You might want to bring an umbrella though, its still raining." Then Roy left, walking out into another gloomy day, looking at the ground before his feet, umbrella in hand, letting the rain drops fall overhead, pouring onto his porcelain skin, like the many tears he'd shed._

"_How did it ever come to be this way…" He sighed, closing his eyes, opening his umbrella, and walking out into his still lonely world._


	5. Thinking

Hoot

Chapter 4

Release

It was the very next morning, that Roy decided to tell Alec everything. He needed t get it off his chest. The weight crushed him like 100 pounds of iron, putting yet even more pressure on his broken heart, and he needed that pressure lifted. He knew there would be tears today. He'd tell Alec everything. Everything from what really happened when Mullet left, and the pain he endured. No matter how many tears it brought back, someone had to know. And the closest someone he had, was Alec, his room mate, his friend. He would tell him what really happened those 5 years after.

Roy laid in bed for what seemed like hours, staring at the snow white ceiling, tracing the lumpy contours with his eyes, becoming dazed. As he was spacing out, which he seemed to be doing more and more frequently, he heard someone open and close the dorm room door. He broke his bored stare from the ceiling, focusing his attention on the door. _Ah._ Roy said to himself, starting to sit up in bed. _It was Alec._ Roy looked down to Alec's hands, in which he was holding a plate of pop-tarts, a banana, and a glass of orange juice. _Sigh._ One of his depressed-angry-this will make you feel better- breakfasts. Roy smiled at him weakly. Alec did his best to smile back. Roy looked like crap. He'd been sleeping till noon. His eyes were still puffy and pink from his crying. Not to mention the enormous circles around his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Roy sniffled.

"Hey Alec." He said, he sounded extremely stuffed up. Even Roy was surprised at the sound of his own voice. He reached for the Kleenex box beside the bed, where there was a massive tower of tissues. _I'm guessing he's done his thinking.._ Alec thought to himself, walking over to Roy's bed, placing the tray of food on his nightstand. Roy blew his nose, folding the Kleenex up, and dropping it onto the tower. Alec sighed. _When he's sad, it doesn't just effect him…_ He sat on the side of Roy's bed.

"You look like you just woke from the dead this morning," Alec commented on Roy's appearance, which he seriously meant, "did you sleep at all?" Alec said jokingly. Mullet smiled, laughing a throaty laugh. "It's almost noon.." Alec said, turning, reaching for the plate of food he had brought, handing it to Roy, "Here. I made you breakfast." Roy smiled, he always appreciated whatever Alec did for him. He never got sick of him, and he'd helped him through a lot. Roy's stomach then growled loudly. He laughed, setting the tray on his lap, peeling a banana, and taking a bite. Not long after the banana, went the rest of the food. Roy burped, settling back against his pillow. Alec quietly taped his fingers on his knees, staring blankly. Roy sighed. _I guess its time…_

"_Alec." Roy said seriously. Alec lifted his head, looking at Roy. "I think it's time I told you everything."_


	6. the past is painful, the future is truth

Hoot

Chapter 5

Release

"_Alec." Roy said seriously. Alec lifted his head, looking at Roy. "I think it's time I told you everything."_

Alec sat back, leaning on his chair, folding his arms, raising an eyebrow.

"Shoot. The doctors in." He couldn't help but grin. Roy gave him a serious glare.

"This is no way, a joke at all. This is serious, and its not even close to ok to talk about. So are you going to listen, or poke jokes at me all day?" Alec stopped smiling. Roy sighed, looking down at his lap, folding his hands.

"First. I lied." Alec looked up, curious eyes, watching Roy. Roy fidgeted with his hands, crossing his legs, looking up.

"I'm sorry. I want to apologize before I begin, because I know you will get angry with me, and I want you to just bear with me. I haven't told anyone about anything that I'm going to tell you, its not that easy.. To tell." Roy looked down once again.

"The reasoning for my attitude, and for everything, is that you were right, and I was wrong." Alec just sat there, listening contently, totally at ease.

"I am thinking about him. _Him._" Roy swallowed, continuing, "Mullet. He's never left a sparing second in my thoughts. It is a terrible burden, and I apologize for any pain I have caused you. And I thank you for being there." Alec sat still, listening closely.

"Second, there was when Mullet left me, I lied about that. What happened that day, is something of a crisis for me, and its left me in pain up to this day.." Alec then sat up in his chair, leaning forward, eyes focused now. Roy took a long breath, this wasn't going to be easy.

"You see, I told you, when he left, I was ok. But it was the opposite. What really had happened, is much darker and deeper. I was so confused, and my chest hurt so bad.." Roy was starting to fade his voice, trying to keep calm, " He told me he had to leave, because, I had told you he was hiding from his mother, and someone had reported him… and… I knew that somewhere in his heart, he wanted to stay. He had masked his face so calm…" Roy's voice cracked slightly, "I just couldn't take it, I was blurting random things, asking why, why, why, even though I had known the answer. I had just been selfish and hoped he'd change his mind, but we both knew it wasn't going to happen…" Roy clenched his hands. He didn't know if he could finish without breaking. He took another deep breath.

"So, he did something I didn't expect. He held me, like he just couldn't hold his hurt inside anymore.. And he told me he was the best person I had ever met, no matter who else he met.." A tear rolled down Roy's cheek. _This is hard enough to think about, even more painful to talk about…_ He felt his heart hurt, and clutched his chest, clutching his shirt. He didn't think he could pull out the end.

"I held him so hard, I didn't want to let go, and I had been so confused, I had just followed my heart, my thoughts followed jumbled, and I couldn't think straight… Then he left me. I didn't even acknowledge it. But everything hit me then, hard. I fell… curling the dirt into my hands.." more tears were falling, with every passing second, every painful memory, "and then, I cried, I don't know for how long, and soon after, I passed out.." he was suddenly quite, holding his hands, head down. He looked out the window, staring at the ongoing rain.

"I woke up later on, delirious, and went home. The days that followed were complicated, and confusing for me. I found myself moving out, telling my parents I was ready for my own life. They were shocked, but I didn't need anything anymore. My life just disappeared, Alec. I had no reason to live, I thought at the time. I went through a lot. I stayed home all the time, and secluded myself. I… even had a cutting period.. It was the only way it took the pain.. I was even going to go suicidal… god, it seems like such a stupid reason, now.." Roy sniffled, taking a Kleenex, blowing his nose. He looked up at Alec, who had kept the same expression throughout the entire conversation. _No emotions._ Roy thought, staring at Alec in wonder. He finally leaned back, stretching.

"And third, last." Roy said, breathing deep, un-evenly, looking into Alec's eyes, ready to admit something to both himself and his friend, "I love him, and it hurts so much… it always has." Tears escaped Roy's eyes then, his heart hurt badly, and he tried to pick himself back up before he lost himself to sadness, " But having a friend like you, you are always there for me, and if you weren't here…. I doubt I'd be." He said quietly. Alec just stared on in wonder, resting his head on his hand. He was waiting for Roy to say more, and nothing came. Finally, he stood slowly, walking over to the bay window, putting his hands in his pockets, staring blankly out the window in thought. After a few minutes, he finally spoke.

Alec sighed, running his hands through his hair, "I supposed so." He said gently, "but," he said turning towards Roy, " why in the world would I be angry with you Roy?" Alec asked Roy, staring into his eyes, in curiosity, wondering his answer. Roy didn't know how to answer. Alec walked back to Roy's bed, putting his hand on Roy's shoulder.

"I just thought… well… I didn't tell you the truth before, and lied, and.." Alec put up his hand towards Roy, stopping his talking.

"You obviously were very uncomfortable, even with the thought yourself… and I don't think I ever have been mad at you., and don't think I ever will be. You're my friend, and friends never leave, even if the other friends orientation, is, lets say, different? Even if the friend had a rough past, I don't look at that. What matters is what your looking for in the future. I am going to stop there, because I usually blab on for awhile." Alec suggested, smiling at Roy. Roy sniffled again, smiling back.

"Thank you, so much, Alec." Roy said sincerely. Alec walked back to Roy's bed, sitting. Alec smiled, pushing Roy into a lying down position.

"No problem, Roy. Just remember, I'm always here, and will always be, and you can talk to me about anything. Now, get some sleep. You look like the walking dead."

Roy chuckled, settling back into bed, slowing his eyes, and no longer than a minute later, Alec heard soft snores. He smiled, getting off Roy's bed, walking over to his desk, picking up his backpack, opening the door, and turned to look at Roy's sleeping figure, peaceful as ever. _Get some rest, Roy. He said to himself, walking through the door, and closing it, heading out to his afternoon classes._


	7. A flashback? or a new memory?

Chapter 6

Love is painful

Hoot

When Roy awoke, everything was black. All he could see was emptiness. He outstretched his hands, getting nothingness. His heart beat faster and faster, _Where the hell am I?_ He thought, looking around him, into empty space. A sudden light appeared, as he shielded his eyes. _So bright…_ As the brightness slowly fade, Roy opened his eyes , and saw 2 blurry figures standing in the trees, one quiet, the other babbling and had his hands stretched out in front of him, making wild motions. _What the hell is going on? _Roy thought to himself. He started walking towards the figures, and got close enough the realize what he was seeing. His breath caught in his throat, and he squeaked, eyes widening. _This couldn't be, what the hell am I seeing?_

What he saw in front of him was the exact scene of what happened the day Mullet left. Everything started to slowly inch his way to his conscious and mind, bringing back the painful memory that would leave an impenetrable scar on his heart and soul forever. it's a scene that replays itself in your head millions of times, something you'd never forget. Like seeing a death in front of you, shocking. But when you think back on the memory, you seem to be in a third persons view. You will never be in a first persons, because what happened in that event, will never be able to replay perfectly in your mind. So you piece together the memory like puzzle pieces, and can never find the final piece, _why do these things happen?_

Roy recognized it was the exact part where he had his head down, questioning Mullet why he'd leave him. Roy had never caught Mullets reaction, and when he did this time, he was shocked. He took a long look at Mullet's expression. He thought the whole time, Mullet had kept his expression cool and calm as he could. But this time, Mullet had gripped his chest with both hands, clenching his shirt, putting his head down, like he was having a heart attack. Roy froze, hearing a tiny noise, it was coming from his throat. _He did care. He did._ Mullet lifted his head a few seconds later, a mask of nothingness glued to his face. _He must be trying to imply this situation as if it weren't happening.. There's no other way he could have don't it.. I know there isn't!_ Mullets hands were shaking, as he reached out slowly at first, then pulled Roy's other to his chest, holding him. Roy couldn't hear the rest, because the rest were whispers of broken promises, whispers of wind, whispers of broken hearts. He could actually feel his previous pain. He wished so hard to wish the scene was real, he wished so hard that Mullet had actually come back to him.. He wanted to run over and throw his arms around him.

After a few minutes of the scene in front of him, he knew what was coming up. Sure enough, Mullets figure had stepped away from Roy's, holding his hand softly. Roy hadn't remembered this. Then mullet's figures hand had released Roy's, and he ran. Roy was shocked. Mullet had ran the fastest he ever could then, and Roy watched him until he was out of sight. His heart was even breaking now, watching the ever so slow memory. He watched his own figure fall to the ground weakly, clenching the dirt, and heard him scream _Why?_ A lot of this scene had been new to Roy, just watching it from a different angle, he could understand everything now. He hadn't remembered anything afterwards. Roy just stood there, watching his limp figure in the dirt. He didn't have any thoughts. _I look pretty damn pathetic right there…_ He said to himself. He walked over, right next to his figure. _This is so strange, so weird. _He thought. He stared at himself, studying himself, himself 5 years ago.

Roy heard a sound come from the trees behind him. _The wind.._ but he was wrong. Mullet's figure had returned, now rushing towards Roy's limp one. _I sure as hell don't remember this…_ He stared at the scene again in front of him. He was invisible. Mullet's figure knelt next to Roy's, placing a hand on Roy's figures cheek. And for the first time, Roy was shocked. He felt the warmth in his own cheek. _Things that happened to me, and I hadn't known.. _Roy was about to continue his thoughts, when he was stopped dead in his tracks. Mullet's figure had then kept his one hand on Roy's figures face, which Roy felt now, and the other hand was then wrapped around Roy's figures waist. Mullet had lifted him up, holding him in his arms, looking down at Roy's figure. Roy felt it now, the ghost of Mullet's hand on his face and waist. Roy blushed. _Why couldn't I remember this??? He stood next to Mullet, looking down at his own figure from 5 years ago. He then saw Mullet's figure pull Roy's limp figure closer to him, lowering his head down to his ear. And what Roy heard next would baffle him, and shock him for the rest of his life._


	8. fact or fiction

Hoot

Chapter 7

Truth

_He stood next to Mullet, looking down at his own figure from 5 years ago. He then saw Mullet's figure pull Roy's limp figure closer to him, lowering his head down to his ear. And what Roy heard next would baffle him, and shock him for the rest of his life._

"Sleep well, my love." Mullet's figure whispered softly into Roy's figures ear, turning his face, kissing his cheek long and softly, "I'll be back for you, soon, I promise." And then Roy saw one sign of weakness. He saw a single tear roll down Mullets cheek. But to Roy, it was like a mighty waterfall, Mullet had never EVER cried! Roy sat watching in shock. He couldn't think straight. A million things ran through his mind like speeding cars. His eyes, wide, stared at Mullet's figure. His hand went to his own cheek, admiring the warmth once again. But this was different. The warmth was passionate. Like a wildfire, quick, and it spread throughout his body quickly. His breath caught in his throat, his eyes closing.

The next thing Roy new, he saw was upright in bed. A shean of sweat on his skin, that glistened from the moonlight of his dorm window. His breathing was heavy, like he'd ran a marathon. _It wasnt a nightmare, so why am I so nervous and sweaty? wait, im back._ He said to himself. He stared out the window, regaining his regular breath. _How did that happen? That was so weird._ He thought to himself. _Was that dream real? What is it telling me? How come this is coming to me like an out-of-body experience??_ These thoughts were seeping into his conscience. He blinked rapdily, clearing his head. _Maybe. Maybe everything was just what I wanted to believe. Wanted to believe that was how the situation was.... but was it real?_ He had to clear his mind once again. _Maybe._

Roy sighed, yawning, throwing the covers off him, and getting slowly out of bed. He switched on his desk light, and sat at his computer with a pad and paper, and he began to write.

_Roy Eberhardt._

_This is not a journal, I swear._

_I had a dream tonight. One I cannot explain, a million thoughts are running through my head, and i cannot sleep. I dont know if the dream was a real flashback, or just a figment of my, yet, hopeful imagination, but..._

He stopped writing. _Nobody else has to know what I think anyways._ Suddenly, he heard Alec shift, groaning. Roy jumped, it scared him. He was so jumpy right now, from everything. _oops._ He forgot Alec was sleeping. He automatically turned off the light, and ran back to bed lightly, throwing on his sheets, pretending to snore. Alec settled back down. Roy tried again to control his racing heart. He knew he wasnt getting any sleep tonight.


	9. life or death

Hoot

Chapter 8

_He automatically turned off the light, and ran back to bed lightly, throwing on his sheets, pretending to snore. Alec settled back down. Roy tried again to control his racing heart. He knew he wasnt getting any sleep tonight._

Roy shifted in his bed, throwing his hands up in exasperation, and running them through his hair. He was frustrated. His mind was going a million miles an hour, and he couldn't think correctly. _That's it._ He thought, throwing his covers off once again. _I'm taking a walk._ He nearly jumped out of bed, throwing on a plaid shirt over his tank top, and threw on a pair of khaki shorts and tennis shoes. He quietly exited his dorm room, making sure he wouldn't wake Alec.

He stepped out into the midnight moon, and it was surprisingly bright. He felt the warm breeze whisper across his skin, teasing his goose bumps. He took a deep breath, relieved to get some fresh air. The air was just enough to help clear his head some. But right now, he needed to think, to finally make everything clear to himself, and make a decision of belief.

Roy decided to walk along the beach. He took off his shoes, and stepped onto the cool sand, his feet sinking into it, making an imprint. He looked out into the clear night sky, watching the pale full moon, and the waters below it. After a few minutes of no thought, he let his mind wander back to the dream. _Was it fact or fiction?_ He thought to himself, creasing his eyebrows. _This has never happened before.. What could it mean??_ He was having a hard time understanding it all. Everything. He missed Mullet so much, could that be it? Could it be his imagination, mocking him? Is he just burying a deeper hole for himself? He closed his eyes, tilting his head back, taking a breath. He felt the cool water rush over his feet, sending a chill through him. He walked up the beach a little more, and took a seat on a patch of grass below a towering tree. He let his arms fall limp to his sides, as he leaned back against the tree, releasing a breath he was holding.

He stared at the moon once again. _What do I make of the dream? Is it true im just making myself feel worse because of my over active imagination, or was the dream real?_ He thought about how much he'd thought of Mullet, and how he'd never taken away from his mind for even a dull minute. The memories were constantly pulsing through his veins, keeping a light of hope in him, that maybe some day he'd come back. Now, when he looked at it, he nearly slapped himself in the head. _Of course it was just me. I prayed so hard for him, wasted it all just waiting._ He was angry. Not at Mullet, because he knew that he had to do what he had to do, but Roy was angry with himself. For being such a fool. But part of him didn't want to let go of that dimmed light, he would loose part of himself in the process, but he couldn't loose that light.

A tear escapes his eye as Roy takes a deep long breath, his chest shaking. But he held on, because he knew Mullet wouldn't want Roy to live like this. Mullet would slap him and call him stupid. But Roy didn't take that into consideration. Mullet wasn't here. He'd never be. His dream was all a lie. He didn't see much a reason to be living for anymore. He had dedicated his whole life to hoping, and now, he knew it was all for nothing.

Roy got up and started walking, and he didn't pay attention to where. He was having an out of body experience. He couldn't think right, and his eyes were puffy and red, and his face emotionless. For the second time, he felt empty. He slowly walked into the water, wading in waist deep. He didn't pay attention, couldn't pay attention, to the icy cold water numbing his body. He just stared blankly out into the sky, and to him, there were no stars. Just a cold moon.

He let his body fall back, and he was floating. He closed his eyes, spreading his arms wide, letting the cold endevelop his body. He was numb. He felt nothing, as he lay in the calm water. He felt like he was flying higher than he'd ever been. He smiled. He felt his body get colder, and he was losing energy fast. It was the weirdest feeling he'd ever had. He wasn't scared of anything now. He didn't have any regrets. He felt free and careless. But he didn't have a care in the world. He then let himself fall. Like he was jumping from his height. He felt his muscles clench, and then relax. He let himself sink, and he felt like he was slipping away into the numbing dark water. He imagined a warm place, with a long lost love… and then Roy felt his mind go blank, and he felt at peace. He slipped further into the dark, blackness undeveloped his body, soul, and mind. He smiled. Death didn't seem so bad. The final thing he processed was a warm hand pulling him to the surface. And then he hit rock bottom.


	10. The dream and the reality

Hoot

Chapter 9

Savior

_He imagined a warm place, with a long lost love… and then Roy felt his mind go blank, and he felt at peace. He slipped further into the dark, blackness undeveloped his body, soul, and mind. He smiled. Death didn't seem so bad. The final thing he processed was a warm hand pulling him to the surface. And then he hit rock bottom._

Roy was dreaming. He looked down and saw white clouds. White surrounded him, he was flying in an airplane. He stepped forward, to the edge of the plane, pausing before leaping into the clouds. At first he felt weightless, and then he was falling. The air was blowing his hair back, pricking his eyes, making his clothes cling to him. He spread his arms, feeling the cool air hit his skin. He was gaining speed, as his weight pulled him farther to the ground, and farther from the plane. The white clouds cleared, and he was ground. Realization hit him, how would he land. But he wasn't scared. He was fearless. He dove farther down, pointing his arms straight like he was diving into water. He speeded faster yet, he felt like a bullet. He felt dangerous. Adrenaline ran through him as he let out a loud laugh and scream. He smiled. The ground got closer and closer, but Roy didn't take one second to register that thought. He knew what was coming. He expected it to happen. He imagined the perfect place, an open meadow, with no trees, just the sun shining down on him, warming his skin. He felt like he was flying. Then he hit bottom.

Roy woke up, bolting upright, taking deep gulps of air into his lungs. His skin was covered with a sheen of sweat, making his skin sparkle. He clutched at his shirt, and noticed it was dry, _he _was dry. He ran his hands through his hair, closing his eyes, taking one last deep breath, slowly slowing his heart to a regular beat. _Another dream…_ He sighed, looking around quickly, his eyes were slightly dilated in shock, and a thought came to mind. _Where the hell am I?_ He suddenly remembered everything. He remembered walking on the beach, and floating in the water… freezing, cold… and then nothing. _What happened?_ He couldn't remember anything after he passed out. He thought he was dead. He thought for sure he was going to die. Roy looked around carefully this time, taking in his surroundings.

He was in a small bed, and in to what looked like an apartment, and it was dimly lit by a small lamp next to where Roy lay. He then saw something move in the shadows. Roy jumped, freezing in his stance. In automatic reflex, he questioned.

"Who's there?" he asked shakily, "and where am I?" He watched the shadow move slowly, and pause for a minute before answering him.

"Your in my apartment." a familiar voice answered quietly. Roy waited for him to answer his first question, and impatiently, asked once more.

"And who are you?" He asked seriously, staring down the shadow. He noticed a sudden change in the atmosphere, it was tense, and unsure. He waited for the person to answer, and after a few minutes, he got his answer. The tall looming figure stepped slowly into the light, revealing himself. Roy was staring at the ground as he heard to footsteps approach, slowly getting closer and closer. The first thing he saw were the things he would be burned into his memory like every other time… A pair of bare feet.


	11. Now is all that matters

Hoot

Chapter 10

And Now is all that matters.

_Roy was staring at the ground as he heard to footsteps approach, slowly getting closer and closer. The first thing he saw were the things he would be burned into his memory like every other time… A pair of bare feet._

Roy just stared, his face showing no emotion. He was too tired to even try. He didn't believe it. He was scared to look up. Scared to see the truth. Scared to be disappointed or scared to find out he'd been in pain so long, and now it was all coming to an end. The end were he had almost died, and _he _had saved him. Roy even chuckled to himself, the thought seemed so ridiculous. He studied the tan feet, trying to distract himself. But he couldn't lie to himself any longer.

He finally broke his stare, and slowly moved his gaze up, studying the persons shape. The man was wearing a pair of worn and faded blue jeans, and a dull black t-shirt. The man had a thin tall frame, accented with a tan tint in his smooth skin. Roy slowed his stare, moving up his gaze to meet the strangers. What he saw was a deep blue pool of endless oceans. The eyes expressed years of endless memories and deep thoughts and he could tell the eyes had been through years of worn as well. From these traits, he knew who this not so stranger was. Roy's breath suddenly hitches, and he can feel his face shape into a mask of confusion. His mind didn't accept the image either as did his heart. His mind and thoughts screamed with doubt and negativity, but there was still some of that sanity left in him, as he managed to stammer the words he thought he'd never get to say again.

"M-M-Mullet?" He nearly choked out, his eyes still entranced on the man, "is that _you?_" Roy took in a deep breath, steadying himself. The man walked slowly forward, keeping his gaze with Roy's. With every step Roy felt his heart race in hope, and for happiness. It had to be him. _It had to be._ The man stopped his pace, standing in front of Roy's sitting figure on the bed. Roy felt the mans warm eyes on him, staring deep into his soul, he felt light, like something had finally been lifted from his chest. He needed this answer. Needed to know. Then, he answered.

"Yes, Roy, it's me." Mullet answered warmly, in a deep rich voice as soft and gentle as the ocean in his eyes. Roy just sat blankly. A part of him overtook, screaming how foolish he was to doubt. But another part had been all negative. His life had been everything but positive. And now, he felt himself change. With those words, that phrase, that _face. _He was a savior, to Roy he was his arch angel. All of this running through his thoughts, he could only mutter few words.

"Oh my god." A part of Roy was still negative, and couldn't believe the scene that was playing out in front of him. Right now. He never thought this would happen. With his mind consumed with depression and misunderstanding, he had sworn his life to sadness. He had lost himself, and now he was expected to find himself now. He wasn't prepared.

"You… saved me?" Roy asked, surprising himself with the question, as he asked Mullet slowly, making sure he got the words out correctly. Mullet smiled, which made Roy's heart skip a beat or two. He hadn't seen him smile for years. It made his heart warm, and his soul and heart just get a little lighter and brighter.

"Yes, I did. I couldn't just leave you to die." Mullet replied to smile leaving his face, a serious expression plaster his face.

"Why didn't you?" Roy questioned, another question surprising him, "I mean, you were gone, and it's not like you cared.." Mullet stopped him immediately.

"Wait.. You don't think I care about you? I've always cared, Roy. Your all I have, and ever had. When I left you, everything was gone to me. You are my light. My best friend. You are always there, and you never left me. If you still don't think I care, your so wrong. Don't you understand, Roy?" Mullet's eyes pleaded to him, and all Roy could do was stare up at him, a hurt expression on his face, "If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be here. I have cared forever, Roy." Mullet then knelt in front of him, looking deep into his eyes, searching for an answer.

"I-I.." Roy was wordless, "I'm sorry." He whispered quietly. Mullet took his hands then, and held them softly. Roy felt warmth radiate through him. Real warmth. This wasn't a dream. It was real.

"No, Roy." Mullet said softly, not breaking his gaze, "I should be apologizing," Roy looked at him still sad. He didn't know why he still felt unsure of it all, "_I _left you. _I _hurt you. _Me._" Mullet started, "the first time I left, I could see the pain in your eyes," Roy blushed suddenly, embarrassed. An odd response in the situation at hand, " and it nearly killed me." Roy looked down at there entwined hands, still wordless, "and when I came back to… well, I saw you lying there, and.." Mullet closed his mouth, afraid he'd upset Roy, and had really no way of explaining it all. Roy looked up into his eyes, and back down to his lap. _My dream.. Was real?_ Then, for the first time in minutes, Roy spoke. Confidently, and sure, he held his head level to Mullets, starting to speak.

"You cried, Mullet." Roy spoke quietly, and the room was silent. Roy stared into Mullets eyes and saw shock, "you cried, I had never seen you cry.. I saw it, in my dreams.. And.." Roy's voice cracked, "you held me, and I could feel it, feel your arms around me.." Roy still spoke quietly, holding there entwined hands, he felt his own heart race, as he heard Mullets even breathing suddenly hitch, which made Roy falter in his words, "you whispered into my ear.. Sleep well, my love. And then you kissed my cheek, and told me you'd come for me.. And here you stand. I'd never thought.." Roy's voice cracked again, " all that time.. I thought you were gone forever.." Roy finally broke his gaze from Mullets, in pain, he held his head low as the tears spilt, his emotions poured out of him like the oceans that held his gaze. He didn't know how long he cried, but was still fairly aware of Mullets presence in front of him, and he could feel the sadness in the room. The bittersweet reunion. After what seemed like forever, Roy finally stopped his violent shaking, and got a hold of himself. He felt weak. He felt empty, like he had no energy. He had just poured out his whole 5 years past. But there was a slight burden lifted. Somewhere inside he knew things would be different. He looked up at Mullet finally, with blood-shot eyes, red and puffy from crying. He knew he looked like crap right now. He knew Mullet was seeing him in his weakest state, and yet he didn't care at all. He didn't even have enough energy to speak. Roy saw a pang of hurt and sadness in Mullet's eyes. Mullet had then sat fully onto the bed, and pulled Roy into his arms, with no words said. Roy finally felt home. He felt at peace. He grabbed a handful of Mullets shirt, inhaling silently, the scent of his savior. He buried his head into his soft chest, curling into his chest. He was in love. He knew it then that this is where he belonged.

"I'm so sorry.." Mullet whispered quietly, holding him against his chest, " I'm so sorry.. I don't like seeing you in pain… so please.. don't cry.. No more.. I'm so sorry.." Mullet pleaded softly, his voice cracking. Roy heard the love and care in his voice, and that was all he needed. Roy looked up into his eyes, softly smiling, "I'm sorry I upset you," He said sniffling, "Its just a lot to take in, a little overwhelming.." Mullet stared deep into Roy's eyes with softness, playing with a loose strand of his curly brown hair. He spoke after a few moments.

"and Roy.." Mullet said slowly, Roy looking up at him, "What you saw in your dream.. It was all real. I came back, and im here now, because I am in love with you, and nothing could, or ever will change that. I don't know how you feel, but I know now nothing can break me apart from you. I cant bear to lose you once again." Mullet finished sincerely, all the while staring into Roy's deep blue eyes, watching his irises grow, and a tear run down his face. He smiled weakly, all the while saying nothing.

"Roy.. Are you ok?" Mullet asked quickly, afraid he'd said to much. Roy looked up at him, softly smiling.

"Of course, Mullet. You don't know how long I have waited. I love you. And you're here. With me. Right now. That's all that matters." Roy stared at Mullet's face looking for an answer, as Mullet held him near. Mullet lightly tilted Roy's chin up, meeting each others soft eyes. Mullet ever so slowly lowered his head, getting closer to his lips touching Roy's each passing second. Mullet slowly closed his eyes, as Roy's followed. There lips were so close to touching. Roy could hear his own heart race, it was beating so hard, as he tasted Mullet's sweet breath on his tongue. Mullet paused for the slightest of seconds, as both boys acknowledged there hearts beating, the same rhythm. The same song. Then there was a soft burning fire of coals, the soft flow of lava, as there lips met in a searing, slow, love-filled kiss. Mullet held Roy's face softly, there lips molded together. Roy wrapped his arms all around Mullet. They were in love. A love un-ending. Cold and warmth united. Both boys pouring out there hearts and souls, confessing love and happiness. Roy was at peace. Finally home. He'd found his way through all the tears and pain. But it was all for his love, and that's all that mattered to him now. And he knew Mullet had felt the same way. Forever.


End file.
